NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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