Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
