I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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