you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
