i already hear my dad disowning me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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