I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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