So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
