kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
