Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Please don't give away my fajitas
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
