I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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