I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
