his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
