we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
