he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
