My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think I won the penis lottery.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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