My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
