I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
