You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
zippers are such a cool invention
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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