i think my mom watched the whole time
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
