you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
