Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
