I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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