...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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