forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
