what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
