I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
