God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Randomize
