There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
