You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am in a vortex of obligation.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
