I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
