I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
