I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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