i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
