Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
