Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
