I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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