Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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