everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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