WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
