I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
