hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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