im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
