i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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