Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
