maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
