What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
