i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
