I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
