my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
