My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
