I hope mine doesn't look like that
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
