I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
