I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
