dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
