Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
