I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
