I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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